It Has Been Quiet
The imposed quiet has allowed me a tremendous amount of time to sit with my thoughts. No matter what is going on in the world, life continues, whether or not we want it to do so.
My sons, Archer and Logan were born sleeping at 36 weeks in 2011. When they died, the world stopped turning for me. I stayed, a ghost of a person, for months. It was as if I was watching others from behind a thick fog. One so thick I could not walk through it.
Although I did not always know if I would; I survived. And now luckily for me, I have two beautiful girls that have created a world of sunshine, love, and joy. In my heart, I am sure my sons sent my girls to me. I know my daughters would not be in my arms if my boys were still here. That does not mean I choose one over the other, or still don't cry at the mention of their names, upon spying a rainbow or the sight of two birds flying in the air.
My sons are one of my greatest blessings. They taught me how to be a mom. How to love outside of myself. I believe I am a better mom for having two babies in heaven. And to be honest, part of me believes my boys sent part of themselves back to me. My oldest daughter has qualities that make me think of what I know one of my sons would have been like. She is artistic, quiet, mature, and emotionally wise beyond her years. My younger daughter is my other son. She is loud, and smart and caring and is going to be the one that gets into trouble because she is defending her big sister.
The death of my sons shattered my heart, but I refuse to let their loss be defined by negativity. It has taken almost 9 years, but I will show the world that they did not die in vain. I will be a better mom and person because they were here. I will be compassionate, non-judgemental, and loving. I will be a good teacher to my children, both the secrets life and of traditional education. I will teach them to be healthy. To respect themselves. To be the best person they can be. And to this note, I will start here again to remind myself that they are my purpose, they are my heart, and they my world.
As we move through this time, know you can always start over, you can always reset your life. No matter what is going on around you, you are blessed to be here. Start by finding the smallest blessing in each day, acknowledge it, be grateful for it and start to open your heart to receive more. You will see once you do, once you to learn to receive, Source, God, the Universe, will begin to bestow more and more upon you.
Simply Lean into the Love and you will Rise.
Namaste.